asplanet.info
| What if, Celebrate the Differences, Born Different, The Sea, Wave of Emotion, Through Autistic Eyes |
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| Written by AsPlanet.info (Alyson Bradley - May 2007) UPDATED August 2010 | |
| Jul 11, 2007 at 04:22 AM | |
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I have only recently really started writing poems/thoughts! maybe because I could never sing, so I find writing a wonderful way to express things that maybe for now are easier unsaid, also I feel life can often seem well to me one long poem, visually and/or verbally.... I see and sense the world so intently at times its truly beautiful, my life journey may have been more difficult at times, but also more interesting opening up a whole new world, a visual display that not everyone is privilege to see.... if life does not work move on, as just maybe you’re not in the right space, action instigates reaction! . . . Unreal Time Dead still Silent So quite no air Stopped in time To quite to hear Frozen moment Time Passing I feel the world Surrounding me It reaches out Blocks out sound In that moment Seems everlasting My time my own Ultimately I exist . The universe nears A temporal paradox Another dimension Each reaction slowed Pass with no beginning An infinitive illusion Reality not a concept Static no movement Timeless real space No time can measure Light, time, space stop Merge into emptiness Stillness within silence Time itself forgotten True absolute space Alyson Bradley Nov.2008 . . . . Knowledge of the Brilliant Mind Knowledge of the one brilliant mind Its own controlling and real ‘precotion Not really truly black and white in kind Its own dire death my emotion Craving that cannot find mend Its home, the insides of our heads Not life, not real, not truth not end Alone outside, filled with our dreads But for its almighty filling power For without or purest, clean vessels Without us it is lost by the hour In our brains, their violent mess halls I am but one of the children of the mind There will always be things I cannot find. By Stuart ( my son - age 14) June 2008 . . . . Changing Like the Seasons Or snuggle safely inside… . Spring a fresh crispness in the air . . Autumn trees shed their leaves and Choices Magizine - October 2009) . . . The Night Owl Stays wide awake The world slowly darkens As the night takes hold I hear no sound I could cut the air The shadows surround I dare not look I snuggle down I close my eyes No dreams arrive More empty thoughts A restless night I cannot bare The endless time No one to care In the dark Just me alone Waiting for the Sun to come home. Alyson Bradley May 2010 . . Extremities/Complexities Rushing ever ending thoughts Mind continuous, urgent need Correlations, conflicting, chaos Down deeper inside, despair Erratic, chaotic confusion Entwined and twisted tight Between explosive emotion Fighting, so hard to focus Losing as tension mounts Nervous, anxious, painless Frozen expression outside Absent from what I know Inside memories distorted Cracked, broken, blank Embrace hallow warmth As turmoil takes hold Crushed, reality erased I disintegrate and vanish Over silence, nothing Dark, gray, emptiness Stare, shut down - locked Alyson Bradley – July 2008 . . Lost and found The ugly duckling I so relate to Dare I look and see my reflection I am not like the rest, no reason My inner beauty stays inside
I walk fast with my head fixed down Eyes like safety look at the ground My self esteem batted, none existence Far too long I stayed at the bottom
I became the black swan, I stood out I so, so wanted to be so much more But truly had no clue, so I pretended I grew up and slowly died inside out
I was so confused, lost in a vast cruel world Night after night I lay awake and wondered A dream to be a part of your world, life itself I so wanted to live, be and enjoy like others
Needed to find answers really understand self I so wanted to understand my disconnection Like a thirst I search the internet and found ASPERGERS and then came the white swan Alyson Bradley – March 2009 . .
This poem was inspired by a Special asplanet Aspie Friend . Soul-deep isolation Alone among the crowds So distance, disconnected I thought about those words Pen wrote “soul-deep isolation” And I understood the meaning Those words made total sense Reminded me I am not alone The ‘aspie’ community knows Understands when other do not Quirky, different, odd somehow Chaotic dark jumble thoughts Intensified cascade of chaos Complex analytic processing Generator full power, high speed Crash you can no longer think Just blank piercing empty pain Used up and then throw away Will I ever connect, be a real part My destiny a parallel existence I look upon all the smiling faces Like an alien, alienated, alone Another world that’s not mine Where I will never quite fit! Alyson Bradley – Sept 2008 . . .What if If I was allowed from birth To be who I should have been No one knew or understood So how was I to know? Shattered pieces may stay broken But other parts begin to fit Slowly fixing my stolen past Making sense of what never was Parts of me may stay lost forever A drift in a vast emptiness . A new found confidence With so much renewed hope What does the future hold? Who knows or ever cares But it already feels so good It's like I have permission No longer need to try or act I am now who I am meant to be I No longer need to whisper I now have a voice Alyson Bradley – April 2008 . . .. . The end of yet another day feeling lonelyAs tonight time starts to close in I think of today Alyson Bradley – April 2010 . . .
The forgotten Dark shadows No one their A lonely soul Nowhere to go Sits and stares No one cares Empty thoughts Nothing but air To scared to move No one can hear The glass cracks No noise but mine Shutters and scatters No safe screen A icy chilling breeze No time to run The tear drops freeze No warmth its cold Frozen with fright Not able to say A silent scream Not able to think An empty sadness Not even tears A person breath’s No one but meAlyson Bradley May 2010
.. . Blank stare There it was, I read again I was looking straight at it Words blur and reappear Not who I thought I was How can I be someone else My life unfolds and cracks Shatters into broken pieces Muddled words slowly sink in I just keep staring in disbelief Thoughts circling in my head Merging shock, grief, sadness Just one perfect tear drop All at once suffocating me Slowly dying from inside out Am I so different from you Which I am I to be right now Does the old me disappear Vanish and no longer be Can I be the very same me Or am I now my shadow Cardboard cutout of myself Lost in a vast dark space Still looking for the real me Alyson Bradley – April 2008 .
. . . Movie Star They open up my world They show the unknown They give me a life far away They make all things possible They give me dreams and fantasy They reach out and help me reach They show me life can really be fun They help me sleep though the night They show me extremities in this world They show me you can truly be different They show me I can be whoever I want They show so many wonderful things They show me celebrities know how They show me diversity is allowed They show me I do not have to fit They show me how life should be They show me how to just be me They show me happy endings They make my reality real Alyson Bradley January 2009 . . . . Diversely Different! But who am I to question The existence of life itself We all have varied visions Perceive in our own way Visualize as we know how Sense each unfelt feeling Feel our own inner emotions Look into a blank existence Each filling it our own way My reality is real to me And yours is to but you Beginning maybe just is Life itself never ending Evolving continuously The new as is begins Intriguingly brilliant Within a parallel space Outside still looking in Inside safe, content as is Behind the safety screen No pretense, real to me . Step outside and judged Step aside at times scary Step back and just be Step within contentment Alyson Bradley – July 2009 . . .
Celebrate the Differences
Childhood nightmare Enough of that behavior Look at you, you’re all wrong Embarrassing – at least try and fit in But why can’t you be like the other children Rather hide than play that way Aspergers Syndrome what’s that The odd one out, no friends Every one misunderstands me
There has to be another world Hope that one day you’ll understand Each and every one of us is unique
Dare to be different It’s ok with me now, why not you From now on I will speak out and be proud Free at last to be myself Enough of trying to change me Realize and celebrate my differences Everything is ok now so much hope No more secrets, no need to hide Coming to terms with my gift Evolution needs me and you Safe at last back in my own world by Alyson Bradley May 2007. . Born different What chance did I have Born as the second twin The after thought The one that cried Rushed away after birth . My mother only wanted one I was the problem child Alone to scream out loud Awkward, gawky , sad I never really fitted . He was cuddly, I was thin He smiled, when I cried He had bright blues eyes Mine were different like me Odd, One Green, one Brown . He got all the attention A happy cuddly bundle They would just look at me what’s wrong with that one As I was sick yet again Alyson Bradley April 2008 . . Within my mind A space of fascination Somewhere I dare to go Outside a chaotic jumble A place I fear and dread Like upon a Minefield Chaos, confusion, fuse Within my safe confines A happier place a waits My thoughts are allowed My difference unleashed Wander no restrictions Freely to think and be I truly long for a time My mind mine alone And I will be enough So all can clearly see Understand, embrace Allow the me, in me! Alyson Bradley Nov.2008 www.asplanet.info . . First I wanted to know for me Then I wanted to know for you Now I want the world to agree How special & great AS can be Alyson Bradley . .
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IceHot ICE : Isolation, Cold, Lonely, Sad, Depressed FIRE: Energize, Warm, Sunny, Joyful, Hope COLD: Mad, Moody, Hard, Bad, Blue HOT: Happy, Warm, Bright, Ecstatic, Red - By Alyson Bradley - April 2008 – .
____________________________ . . Wave of Emotions . At low tide Sea sparkles like a crystal drop Water like a cool blue Lagoon Pressure decreases, stays still Gentle currents rise and fall Light, bight, surreal, peace A swirl of warmth embraces me When will the next wave come . At high tide Sea levels raise no escape Switches like a tidal wave Mass of water sucks me in Crashes down so harshly Powerful energy force drains Hard, Dark, cold, suspension Impacts my whole way of being . Alyson Bradley – April 2008 . . ________________________ . The sea a place I often go, as find somehow it helps heal my inner soul and one of many poems I have written in this regard, somehow the sea always has strength when I am in need and washes away the tears.... And sometimes to do the right thing may seem like battling against a never ending tide, but I feel we have to do what we believe in to fulfill ourselves as individuals, our hopes and dreams. (March 2010) . ________________________ . .THE SEA As I stand and look out to sea The sound beckons me closer The waves curl around my toes Reaching out and draws me in It slowly closes in around me Rapping itself around my legs I connect and really hear the sea Its voice whispers and reassures I breathe deep and feel at one The waves lap around my body It lifts me and allows me to float Slowing I drift into its embrace I feel at peace and so totally free I know I need to go, return soon But it’s much stronger than me It wraps itself so, so tightly Warming every part of me Its glistens beckoning me back It knows I am not ready yet I thank the sea for understanding The emptiness as I return to shore Hits me like a huge tidal wave The unspoken words turn to tears I must go for now, but will be back I will always return, it’s a part of me It understands where others fail Alyson Bradley – May 2008 . .
Tides and waves As Intensity mounts So does the tides My breath is rhythm The waves they ride Releasing and cleanses I feel the pulling tides Trapping me inside Uncontrollable waves Way out of my reach Tides reverse the action Now within my grasped Waves raise and fall Re-balance from inside Tides instigate reaction The air is calm yet again Waves wipe out the pain Peaceful silence surrounds The tide is a long way out The waves still for now ! Alyson Bradley Nov.2008
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