Children are not things to be molded,

but people to be unfolded" Charles F. Boyd

.

.

12 year old with AS interviews his mother

  http://storycorps.org/animation/

 .

Every child starts out with a whole world of possibilities before them, some are embraced, for others a total nightmare better forgotten... as we start to live life some are crushed and lost along the way, is it the child's thought when they grow and know no other way. Yes we all need to teach our children right from wrong give them the strength to do what is right and for those who are lost reach out and help... because if we pass by the weak, mean and angry individuals, we then without trying include them into part of society. ?

 .

My husband only believed my late hours at night was not because of him, but me when I could explain reason for why, but he still forgets or simply feels sorry for himself at times, however much I tell him it’s not him but me, others truly have to get to realize it’s not what children do or not, it’s the way some of us are wired, my son like myself never needs as much sleep and I have accepted that, as long as homework done and he does well at school etc.. My point is do not punish others for the wrong reasons, for our lack of insight, understanding… you may have your own expectations, but we are individuals also!.

At School AS children can vary greatly, depending on co-

morbid conditions and other factors. The children can be over

sensitive, take comments to literally, seem withdrawn, extreme,

loners, no eye contact, may mumble, may seem needy, annoying to

some, continually move around and fidget, stim, ask endless questions!

.

.

..

Children are all different, learn differently, having to conform only leads to frustration and often all too easy to become anxious, especially if they feel on the outside, on the edge of life looking in through everyone else's windows. And far too often can only dream that one day they will be and simply fit like everyone else, as when no one explains how can they know that they are not all wrong, but simply different. Peer pressure and a need to feel and be like others, if continue to feel shut out often withdraw and step back into their own safer reality, where no one causes harm, the shutters come down and the damage starts!

I was born different, as a child it was hard everyone telling me no, no, no without understanding me.. as a child I get bored so easily, i didn't play up for attention, I just need things to do, others to understand and allow. Still as an adult now I am like an over active computer at times and do not switch off easily, so before you judge or tell me off - PLEASE try and understand my differences, as any misunderstood difference is damaging and will only caused me more frustration and you more pain...

.

.

Out of control / Hugging does it work!  My thoughts on this is

 sometimes it works and sometimes not, its getting to know our own children.

It really helped sometimes for me and my son and at other times I just had

to give my child space, and myself... but that was also partly when he was

feeding off of my own stress! ASD children I feel pick up more, sense

situations more and can be affected just by other things that are going on

around them, taking them out of their comfort zones and overloading them

sensory wise, these are the times my child needed just a quite space alone.

.

Their family, their choice: The word Aspergers, Autism spectrum disorder is huge to start for many parents and often easier for them to discover in their own time, in their own way as to be told many just become defensive and /or feel it’s there thought. If a real problem it may be worth approaching the person involved, but very gentle steps advised, just as being concerned not just for their child but for both of them, maybe over a meal. It’s so important how the situation is approached and needs to be in a concerned support role, suggesting a child has a spectrum disorder to anyone unless imitate family is wrong, as if the person does not understand they may just dismiss and back away from you. Discussing actions of another child and wanting to help and make positive suggestions will be a lot more effective, if everything does not work, if other person wants to listen then maybe mention ASD just as a suggestion, we have to remember not everyone wants to label their children and it has to be their choice.

Meltdowns, anger is are often cause by frustration, being misunderstood, I have experience of my child having when younger huge meltdowns, what I found worked is ignoring and when calm enough talking to them, however young, they need to know your listening.......if child gets out of control of course safety first, but then try and give as little attention too as possible, it does work. AS children often have heighten senses and so your mood may well affect them (sensory overload), if things are getting out of control try and put them in a safe place and remove yourself from situation, as quite often you may well be the one making it worse.

.

Meltdowns, shutdown out of control, frustration, anger or just not being understood, the good news is these children often are very intelligent and I found by getting down on their level (seeing through their eyes) helped me to understand and communicating, as firstly AS children hate any change, being out of routine and being told what to do, hate feeling they are being controlled as like to feel have some sort of control themselves. They  feel safer that way, so include as much as possible my son understood at a very younger age, more than I even realized then, so remember always talk to them, not at them. But also like any children clear boundaries are vital, especially with AS children as they hate not knowing, always over prepare and routines always help...

 .

In theory if you believe enough in the intelligent spectrum life itself at times trying to impose and change the very fabric of who we are as individuals I fell piontlesss. What I am trying to say, maybe your child’s frustrations may simply be a disconnect, and it may be hard for you to understand how intense at times ...

.

When I had young children I use to overload sensory wise and now and then would go to my basement to offload and simply scream, it was like all my built up excess intake was released brilliant.... at the time I had no idea why and that was scary, but simply had to, like an intense build up that needed to be released, now I so get it... and sensory wise even my husband’s breathing at night can set me off, but now I know no one’s thought, so much easier to deal with and have excepted as a part of who I am, I am ok with it and those that care for me accept mostly. What I am trying to say, maybe your child’s frustrations may simply be a disconnect, you not understanding how intense at times sensory overload can be!

.

.

Emotional Chaos, sensory issues overloaded, shutdown

“it’s important to understand your child’s emotions – see as they do”

http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=66&Itemid=110

.

The misundrestood Child:One of the many threads on AsPlanet Forum:

 http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?topic=626.0 Quote "This is all so true.  Many people think they know about AS then when you talk to them they actually don't!  I have had (like most parents) many ups and downs with our now 12 yr old beautiful, fiery daughter.  The light at the end of the tunnel is when she shines; she shines bright and I have a good feeling about 2009.  Most of our barriers have been created by society who misunderstand her AS and how it creates who she is and how they can help her to achieve her goals instead of hindering.  It's a long hard path we tread, but as a family we do it together and we venture to places others daren't go.  Love keeps us strong." from one of many comments AsPlanet forum member - Join us, come chat, read, lots of on going discussions, many of us are on the spectrum so we do understand: Parents and Friends of aspies http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?board=6.0

 .

Friends: As a parent, you need to know that your child may well not be surrounded by friends. Don't worry too much about this, aspies don't usually need lots of friends like most NT children seem to. That's not to say that aspies do not get lonely, they often want friends some of the time or on their terms. But overall usually prefer less or just a few friends. So if your arranging a sleepover, it is wise to keep the numbers down to only a few friends and preferably one-on-one play. Team sports are not good for aspie friend-making but things where the child can operate semi-independently and with out competition, like karate, scouts as children get older often if sporty quite like sports such as dancing, running, rowing etc... can do in their own time, in their way. I have done team sports, but always felt like the outsider....

 .

Shyness may not be a sign of aspie, but feel it can partly be, especially for teenagers... I shouldn't have been shy of boys as had a twin brother and a brother a year and a half older I use to hang out with all the time, a real tom boy, which can also be a sign as we do not fit into  social "norm" girl circles.... The whole boy girl thing, if a boy looked at me I would turn bright red this is because I had no idea how to respond, well not in a natural way like others and if I dare to look into a boys eyes, anyone it had to be love, my naivety kicking in here  some of the situations I got myself into growing up, amusing now, but terrifying at the time.
.
I am not so sure teaching us how to act makes a lot of difference to who we are , it helps just like any life experience, to me with my children encouraging friends self belief made the biggest difference... I just could not relate like other children and that should of been ok, as would not of felt comfortable being like the others..., in fact as a teenager being told how to interact I feel would of made me withdraw even more....we are not robots, I truly feel good peers and self belief in ourselves and allowing us our differences so much more important. I only gained confidence with acceptance, allowing and understanding of self.

.

Some think that I use to do as a child and still sometimes do, is hover around people. It’s that wanting to be a part of, but not knowing how. Attempting to converse but not sure I really want too. At times like this I may just say odd sentences, even repeating things I feel worth saying…, I sometimes do this with my boys now, will  visit them in their rooms, or where ever they are for no reason, it’s just a need to be around them, a familiarity. So if your child is just hovering for no reason to you, there may be a reason to them.

Sport / Exercise -I can remember only too well how cruel other children can be, things may of changed to a point, but children still want to be the best, not the afterthought. Unfortunately I feel this will not change until the media stops stereo typing what we all should be like!

.

.
I do agree keeping fit and healthy is important and feel saved me at times, in fact sport turned to an obsession with me for a while - better than reality growing up at times. This can happen with asd children, we can over obsess in whatever we do and for the sporty type I am sure many athletes in the mist.
.
Sport as a child just another excuse for others to laugh and bully me, but I did find later on in life running, walking, dancing anything I could do on my own, also kayaking being in the middle of a lake alone, heaven to me ... I have also heard rowing great and martial arts for the less timid types...
.
But I do also feel it does come down to the child, as those of us on the autism spectrum can be very different i.e. my older son and I but extremely awkward as children, team sports the ones always picked last, I was very sporty as a child, he is not.  The worst thing any parent for these children can do is insist they play team sports, it can be a nightmare for the children. Have things changed from when I was younger, would like to think so, I have been to my sons sports days and all the children wait to watch him jump to laugh, and he has friends.
.
Maybe it's ok for nice family in good situations, but for the majority it's not. Yes encourage sport, but do not push into and do not be surprised if they prefer some think they can do alone, I did and that's when I was happiest, not trying to fit into a team I never would. Yes sport can be great for confidence, but can also make us want to run and climb back into our shells and stay.
.
Encourage and listen to the child, work with them and try not to make them do because you want them to, like sign them up for a year, take it week by week. Exercise can be fun at home, I use to dance with my boys when younger at home, play games in the garden, at times they have joined in groups but often short lived, but have always worked with them giving choice, but both happy fit and healthy if not always in the conventional way.

.

When time allows I try to help out at my local school with sport and other activities, some teachers have commented they have notice how some of the asd, neurological minded / differently able children etc.. relate to me and join in more. I feel maybe it’s because I understand them being on the autism spectrum myself. It does take a little extra care, time and attention, but always worth the smiles. Unfortunately unless more communities get behind schools, I feel these children often miss out, as without much needed funding the time and effort needed is not always available.

.

Your support and understanding is the key to unlocking a child’s potential - Don't be the one holding them back!

When younger I wanted to learn so much and was easily swayed by often the wrong people and having no sense of real danger, it got me into lots of trouble. Do not get me wrong as also could be very stubborn, but I guess did not have any great set of friends / peers, and I often would take the more exciting path, well to me anyway and what the other children seem to enjoy, just bored me.

.

I grew up and had to learn the hard way; it took far to long and involved so much unnecessary hurt and pain..... Do feel early teens to late twenties is a really difficult time for most people on the spectrum and still feel nowhere near enough is done for them. There are lots of parents / child and adult groups. But the age when people on the spectrum can be most affected, they seem to be left out of the groups - in between somewhere.

.
And this is often the time when these youngest discover for themselves they are on the spectrum.. and without a full diagnosis it can be so hard, as they can have other associated conditions such as Dyslexia, Dyspraxia like myself, ADHD, ADD...Depression, a Anxiety Disorders or a number of other things. it can be very frustrating for these children who are often highly intelligent.

.

They can have over active minds that seem to race, it can be near impossible to focus, listen, and learn. If they are disruptive it could be to hide some of their frustrations. It can be confusing just trying to put thoughts onto paper if unable to focus and thoughts muddle. On top of this the children are often awkward and can be quite clumsy, so can already feel like the outsider and lack confidence.

.

So If has not already seen Occupational Therapist this I would advise as dyspraxia is very common. I was assessed here in NZ and for a good overall assessment I would suggest contacting someone like SPELD New Zealand http://www.speld.org.nz/ for an overall assessment, but unfortunately does cost..

But for me learning about my own strengths and weaknesses even later in life really helped.

.

Myself as a child who never received an education, confused and lost in a education system that was never design for a diversely different complex individual as myself, as Donna Williams would say a "fruit salad mix" as I like to think at times maybe be I am as mysteries to others as the universe, but that should not alienate me. I never ask to be born the way I am, I never ask for a school system to not include me, but being ignored by the school system, given up on followers you around for life, to be honest until I found Aspergers and discovered many of my other neurological differences I always partly lived in the shadows of life.. part of my life a shameful misunderstood difference that even scared me and killed my confidence. Real understanding helps unlocked lost individuals, I should know!

.

.

.

.

ASD Teenagers quite often feeling like the outsider and may want to cut themselves off from the world. There are far too many who spend all their time in their bedrooms even taking their dinner up there to eat to avoid parents, family members, siblings and any social contact in general. At the very most some of them have access to the internet and chat on line. If your child’s is like this you or them are not alone, there is support understanding and help out there, but still far to little.

.

Maybe it’s just real communication on both parts that is needed. Children often get label as bad when cannot sit still, but quite often it’s because they are bored very easily and often quite obsessive on certain topics and may not want to do anything else. So the key is really to make what they do as enjoyable as possible, with lots of encouragement, have found a little extra encouragement with these children can make a real difference. Find some think that interest them to keep their attention, which should help them focus.

.
Regarding the schools you really will have to work with what resources are available (never enough), so talk with them, hopefully should be a special needs unit at school will be able to help, but resources limited especially for the more intelligent children. If child can have a one on one teacher or private tuition they can only benefit from this, highly recommend, but would probably have to pay for. Preferably someone who understands Aspergers, very hard to find unfortunately. Large classes are the worse for these children, often over sensitive to noise and easily distracted.

.

The best thing you can do for your child is to read as much as you can about asperger, which will enable them to understand them more. Parents unintentionally often try to change their children to what they believe they should be like, instead of really trying to understand their differences. Which often leads to parents feeling like bad parents, when they are not.

.

.I cannot state enough how understanding their differences, a good set of friend(s) and a little extra encouragement can make so make difference.

.

.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_tyle/article4876937.ece?Submitted=true 

http://www.redorbit.com/news/education/1266639/aspergers

_syndrome_and_the_voyage_through_high_school_not_the/

.

.

I have realised the need for more support, for people with Aspergers, especially young adults, and have already spoken to various groups to consider having more information on Aspergers. As there seems to be a lack of really good info out there (especially for young adults) everyone seems geared to helping children, or setting up adult groups - I feel a little concerned for this in between age, as at that age Aspergers without being explained correctly, can seem huge, and it would be so easy for them to slip through the system.

.

If you’re needing answers please ask me anytime and if I cannot answer you, I will do my best to find someone who can. As I know only too well young adults can see the world very differently to the average person. That can mean different priorities or different sensory experiences which can be exciting, but can also be exhausting, isolating and confusing.

.

Children with Aspergers face increased changes through puberty. The behavior issues of impulsivity can increase in both frequency and intensity. Children, who have experienced bulling and at school, may become increasingly aggressive, mixed up and confused.

.

As a ASD Child did you get bullied ?

yes  84%  [ 84 ]              yes and i bullied others  12%  [ 12 ]              No  4%  [ 4 ]              No and i bullied others  0%  [ 0 ]

Total Votes : 100

My school years were never easy, I was bullied incessantly.  I am not sure if it was because of this or I didn’t want to or couldn’t conform and fit in like everyone else.  Even though I was a good child if there was some think I did not like I would say and that included the teachers, which never went down well consequent I became very withdrawn, would walk around with my head down eyes fixed firmly to the floor….. The more others alienated me the more I focused on my own world, intense interest/obsessions with certain things. I hated and guess still do, anybody including family going through my things… its like an invasion of my world, maybe that’s why my sense of privacy was and still is of the utmost importance to me.

.

.

.

A misunderstood difference - various comments, studies show:

.

.

 Who was this Boy? Albert Einstein
http://groups.msn.com/autismsite/autismc...

.

Sue Larkey - Strategies essential to making the

 year a success for you and ALL your students

http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_

.

.

.

Quote: "Kids with Aspergers (already) have difficulty making sense of the world

around them, so if you throw in puberty ... it's even a more difficult time," Gatrost.

.

.

.

Adolescence can become a very difficult time for these young adults, as

This is a time of their life when social demands become more complex and it becomes increasingly important to be able to understand social cues. Young adults can be more vulnerable to manipulation by others and peer pressure.

.

They are likely to experience more rejection among their peers, which can lead to them feeling very isolated and confused. Society generally embraces different people if in the spotlight, and the ones that do make it usually have great support and belief in themselves. The real problem with society in general is people avoid what they do not understand, and always to ready to criticize - often leading people on the autism spectrum feeling inadequate and lacking in confidence.

.

.

These young adults need to learn that there is more to relationships than sex. Thinking back to myself I would often latch onto people for all the wrong reasons. Quite often going for non stereo types of relationships, maybe this was because never felt fitted into the "norm”, and easy influenced by others. Often lacking the confidence to understand their own emotional differences and mechanics of intimacy.

.

.

If I was in a wheelchair would you still discriminate against me

http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=79&Itemid=125

.

I know most young adults you could say learn from their mistakes when growing up, but quite often the emotional side being a little confused. We can be a little naive in this area and I myself became desperate to find a partner, thinking it would fill the void, the difference in me that I felt was lacking. Often going for inappropriate partners, being attracted to the wrong sort of people, older people, as thinking their wisdom may help fill in the gaps, this usually leads to insecurities in who we really are, more confusion - as long term we really need to look within and understand ourselves, before committing to anyone else.
.
As parents we can only guide young adults, and help them to become confidence to stand alone, they may enter relationships before they are ready, but unfortunately if they do may mean they get to learn the hard way. So my advice would be just be there for term, not to judge if you feel they are wrong, just try and support and understand. As the last thing they will need is to feel put down for any mistakes they make. The best way to help these young adults is to give continual confidence boost, as believing in them and helping them to believe in themselves, long term will make so much difference.

Of course none of this is at all easy, everyone has problems in relationships and making friends etc.. but it can be so much harder for the child on the autism spectrum, so we need to remember and take this into account. What makes it harder is that no two adults/children on the autism spectrum are the same, so there are no easy answers. All we can do is help equip our children with an understanding and to ensure they do not get lost soemwhere in the whole process, or compromise themselves or their values. Discuss, discuss from an early age, good communication really makes a different.

.

As I grew up with Aspergers, I know only too well the important as a young adult, how vital it is for real support. Because without good support, guidance and help. These youngest can end up taking substances to find answers, unfortunately asperger people whatever they do, can become quite excessive. So if they decide to drink water or alcohol, when out. Only too often this can be too excess. Because of compulsive tendencies, and the added pressure of feeling awkward in social situations.

.

If you, your child, partner, friend become angry, which can be the start of depression. Try and figure out exactly what's setting them off, then help them, try and change the situation and/or the environment, also develop some techniques for handling anxiety when it does turn up. Sometimes changes as simple as changing the lights, lowering sound levels, reorganizing the schedule, or counting to ten can make all the difference. Just having someone to listen and understand can completely change a situation around.

.

Depression and anger are 2 very real issues quite common in Asperger syndrome, part of the problem comes from having conflict between longing for social contact and an inability to be social in ways that attract friendships and relationships. Even young children seem to know that they are not the same as other kids and this gets emphasized in the social era of adolescence. Many cases of depression, in fact, begin in adolescence. Anger, too, comes from feeling out of place and being angry at one's circumstances in life. For more information on depression see the following links: http://www.urge.co.nz/, http://www.outoftheblue.org.nz/, http://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/.

.

Depression quite often develops in the pre-adolescent or adolescent period in children who have high-functioning autism or Asperger’s Syndrome. This may either be a reflection of comorbidity with manic-depressive illness or be seen as a reactive condition following in the footsteps of feeling socially awkward and of being an “outsider”. Many adults with Asperger’s Syndrome or high-functioning autism apply for psychiatric help but are only occasionally correctly diagnosed as having an autism spectrum disorder. We have seen our previous patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, paranoid disorder, psychosis, and schizophrenia. It may be a matter of the adult psychiatrist not being familiar with the history and symptoms of an individual with Asperger’s Syndrome/high functioning which makes him/her liable to make a diagnosis of a condition with some overlapping symptomatology for which there is a well-known framework.

.

A number of people with autistic spectrum disorder are involved in the criminal justice system as victims, witnesses or offenders. I have heard there is no evidence of an association between ASD and criminal offending. In fact, due to the rigid way many people with ASD keep to rules and regulations, they are usually more law abiding than the general population.

.

But I do feel that ASD people are more at risk as victims of crime rather than as offenders. Often being quite naïve and unfortunately easily lead, if get involved with wrong peer groups when younger. And if in situations that get out of hand, because can be too honest, this can be misinterpreted to easily. Also quite often people on the spectrum have other associated conditions, learning difficulties and mental illness, which can cause so much confusion and misunderstand from all sides.

.

.

 Starting Points (Children and young adults with AS)

One of many book reviews, lots more information on forum:

  http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?topic=683.0

.

.

Vulnerability (some of the problems young adults may face)

This is just a generalisation as asperger people are all individual and are affected in different ways, but some of these points can be only too real, when left isolated and misunderstood. People with Aspergers are very vulnerable. Adolescence brings about the struggle to cope with the confusion, stress and isolation of their almost "alien" world. Suicide can become a real concern, being an adolescence can be hard enough and already many of these young adults have communication problems. So it is vital if having to come to terms with being autistic, they feel understood.

.

Some other typical problems that may be faced by those with Aspergers include. Are more prone to bullying, teasing and exploitation, because their behavior is seen as eccentric, peculiar and non-conformist. Trouble with seeing the "bigger picture" due to their focus on specific detail. This can be a problem because they cannot see the consequences of their actions or put things in context. Extreme stress and confusion if a routine changes e.g. bus coming at a different time, shop out of their favorite brand. A problem with planning, because it requires the ability to think hypothetically, and predict consequences and trouble putting their thoughts into words and cannot articulate their frustrations, fears or how their condition affects them.

.

.

Do ASD children really need a cure, or maybe just acceptance,

understanding and support to help develop our young

individuals into confident young adults as they so deserve...

.

.

Nothing Wrong with our Child!

One of the biggest problems as I see it is people not wanting to know and feel this is partly due to other peoples prejudice. For some reason lots of people seem to not want to know, because of stigma “not the norm” which of course is due to quite simply lack of knowledge and understanding.

.

Aspergers is just a different way of thinking and seeing things, really. By not wanting to acknowledge this, you could hold back your child’s education. If your child is on the Autism spectrum please embrace their differences, its apart of who they are.

.

Quite often the parent(s) are the first to notice, that their child is a little different from other children. So many times I see or have heard the parents wanting to do something, but the grand parents, friends and even the schools saying “nothing wrong with your child. They just need to be told “a bit of discipline will sort them out!” The joke is they are right, there really is nothing wrong with their child.

.

I have even heard a storey where a farther refused to listen to his wife, to the extent he decided there was something wrong with her, and ended the relationship. The sad thing is there really was nothing wrong with the child, they were just different and had different needs. Why do some people feel if their child is anyway but in their mind the excepted norm! it’s a reflection on them, they really do need to look at themselves.

.

By not acknowledging their differences, you could be letting your child suffer unnecessarily and holding them back, not just educational wise. Because if a child is continually being told they are wrong, put down or simply just being misunderstood, the child will start to believe it’s them that are wrong, themselves. Which can lead to all sorts of behavioral problems? This is just my view and a generalisation, and I do realize there are lots of great supportive people, grandparents out there.

.

By embracing your child’s difference, instead of trying to change and make them conform, it will make for a happier situation all round. As often these children are already feeling confused and misunderstood to start with, and can become very frustrated and angry. Time and time again, others want to blame the parents when a child becomes disruptive, instead of really dealing with the real issue; it just takes a little support and understanding to make such a huge different.

.

.

We Are Not Like the Other Kids

http://firefox.org/news/articles/1432/1/We-Are-Not-Like-the-Other-Kids/Page1.html

.

.

Fussy Eaters

Most of us do not like some food and can go through a fussy eating stage. But it’s not the same for everyone, children with Aspergers and Autism can often have extreme food selectivity, because of sensory problems in regard to touch, smell, hearing, taste and sight. Often this problem is well beyond the scope of what parents would call fussy eating.

.

The child may only eat a very limited range of foods and/or eat very small quantities of food. These children can be quite selectivity wanting to eat from the same plate or eat food of the same/certain colors. There are positive strategies that can often help with extreme food selectivity, being aware of sensory issues such as textures, smell, color, cold and heat will help. If you do have a problem with your child, it’s not necessary you, please do not feel bad by seeking professional help, your general practitioner can help.

.

I know only too well with so much pressure on parents and children to eat the right foods. Before criticizing anyone else, take a step back as there really are valid reasons why some children are unable to follow the norm. I get so fed up with other people thinking they always know better, please do not judge without really knowing, there are many reasons autism being just one of them.

.

I went away a while ago, and as one of my children is quite selective, the couple we went and stayed with took it on themselves to continually put me down as a parent and really was not interested in any reason, excuses. Unfortunately did not help my husband agreeing with them. I cook fresh food every day, and have always gone out of my way to encourage my children to eat the right things. It can be so disheartening when your child continually refuses food, let alone being put down by everyone else.

.

Both my boys are fussy eaters in different ways, I no longer worry what others think as long as they are healthy. My sisters boys were both worse, the older one got to a point when would only eat one thing at a time, mind you he is a real genius, was always under weight and my sister was continually criticized but it was none thing she done it was just the way the child was... all grown up now and eats most things...

.

I see situations all the time where everyone is telling the parents and child they are wrong, just make them eat it, give them no choice, but I know only too well this does not work. What does it matter as long as they are happy and healthy, because if we stress it only makes the situation worse.

.

If becomes a real problem get professional support, myself, I tend to prefer not to worry and let then have their fazes and stages as all children do... ASD children of course much more extreme at times, but as long as they are healthy try not to worry whatever anyone else says, after all everyone eats far more than they need...

.

.

Childs Voice: 

 http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?board=38.0

My list of Characteristics of Children to Adolescences AS symptoms:

http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?topic=161.0

Understanding & Expression of Emotions..
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=66&Itemid=110
Love and Asperger's syndrome
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=84&Itemid=130

.

.

Should my daughter have a psychological assessment?

My reply: Having only discovered my many neurological differences late in life aspergers, dyslexia, dyspraxia.... if only I had known earlier in life, as to grow up and not knowing means we grow up confused, frustrated with a world we find hard to connect with, being diagnosed was the biggest relief in my life, as without knowledge we can not be accountable for often even the way we treat those we love, if we know no different or are unable to understand how can we accept self. I am just differently able and my new found knowledge has for the first time in my life given me the confidence to be, before It was like I lived in the shadows of life, often growing up without understand can cause so much hurt, pain and harm and yes some of us may need some extra support for a while, so if a psychological may be able to help, I can not see the harm, I can only see the pain and hurt from not getting good support and understanding...

.

No label ever changes who we are, but until I truly started to understand it was like my autism heart, very core was missing...

.

Response: very good point beautifully put!!! Thank you!

.

.

 .

.

Behavior analysis is the scientific study of behavior: Behavior analysts ask, Why does behavior change over time? They seek answers by looking at the biological and environmental factors, although they are primarily interested in the role of environment in behavior change. Many behavior analysts do either basic or applied research. Others specialize in applying behavior change principles to enhancing quality of life. To read further information about behavior analysis, click on low below:

.

.
We all need to understand what ABA is, and what is not acceptable. Does anyone human have a right to decide on how you should act, a child is a gift that you do not own, but may help to guide into often a very hetic world. I truly believe what you give, comes back - especially in regards to children - if we do not protect and guide them, who will and who's to judge or blame, if some of our young adults lose their way for a while!

.

Aspie parents - Can we be good parents someone ask me once !

YES of course everyone can be, as many of you know I am a mother with Aspergers and my older son is also on the autism spectrum, as far as bringing up children who gets it right all the time anyway.  If the child's happy and doing ok what's to worry about, I can only speak for my son and my story but I know he is happier than most, doing extremely well and a wonderful individual.. so I must of done some think right... in fact being on the autism spectrum myself has helped our relationship, we have a deeper understanding and he is not frustrated and angry like many children that are not understood.
.
When he was younger yes I found it difficult sensory wise etc... and my anxiety levels were quite high, but what I hear so are most mothers, children on the spectrum can seem quite demanding, but that's only because often they get bored easily, but I have found the constant need to keep him occupied a lot easy than the average person as my mind also very rarely shuts off... he has a great relationship with his brother and they are very close and he is not on the autism spectrum, but enjoys his quirky sense of humor.
.
As for being a parent we often get put down for our misunderstood difference or the child's, but this is nearly always caused by ignorance of others... I feel we make just as good parents if not better at times, as usually very home orientated, more interested in the children than self and if any think we wear ourselves out over parenting if that's possible, as we do tend to over think, worry and analysis things in a need to want to get it so right... all the aspie parents I know are great parents and even stranger the children all seem to do doing extremely well and wonderful individuals in their own right, unless in want to stereo type everyone on the planet and then life would be boring!

.

.

You can never know too much about Aspergers

Syndrome. It is a life-long learning process

If you or someone you love has the disorder.

Knowledge is the key to understanding

symptoms, causes, and treatment options

.

.

Children are often the least heard, but most damaged - so it's no wonder

they become angry, frustrated from time to time, which is often just a misunderstood difference. We are meant to act, conform and fit into a

NT stereo type world, as often that makes us feel like ducks out of

water, and all everyone does is complain and want to cure us for being

differently able... no wonder some of us shout out now and again, but pointless as rather than listen far too often we get given another label!

.

___________________________________

If you want to reprint and/or translated must make sure full

copyright notice is retained and the content is not altered.

Copyright © 2007 Alyson Bradley

www.Asplanet.info - Aspergers Parallel Planet

.

.

.

.

.

.

Add your Comments – Tell us your stories…

Please note all comments checked for spam before shown